Writing

I've always been a fan of reading and writing, when I was a student in Mexico, I was one of the best writers in my classes, something I haven’t thought about until today. I would always perform in school plays and be in some kind of dance performance. I never liked being in front of people performing, but there was something about what I was doing that made it all worth it. I was in lots of plays, mostly during Christmas, one of them was "The Little Match Girl" by Hans Christian Andersen, others were stand in parts, that was lots of fun, I was in the play but I didn't have any lines. During Mothers day, schools had festivals, with several performances; I remember my favorite play, a poem by Guillermo Aguirre Fierro (Mexican) El Brindis Del Bohemio, I played a drunk going through recollections of past memories, my part was Raul's. Performing in front of people was not hard, learning my parts was. There were times when I wanted to quit and I would come up to the teacher and tell her about it, but she encouraged me. She held auditions and I showed up because I wanted to make fun of the whole situation, she said to show up have a poem memorized. When she called my name I was sort of laughing and playing, but she gave me stern stare and I got into it, used my hands to express the song and I nailed it! When I was ready to quit she reminded me that I had done very well, and that my expressions the way I had auditioned made her choose me. This helped me, and well in the end I put on a good show. One thing I do remember is that my Mother wasn't at the school play; she was here in the US, one of her several trips to make ends meet. I got sidetracked with that story but I had to write it, since I dug it from my memory bank. My fascination with books and writing has allowed me to expand my vocabulary, back then in the Espanol and now in English. Literature in general, is a great way to expand even your thinking, to understand other cultures around the world. You can always learn a word or two in another language, and you can learn to appreciate very minute things from other countries and cultures, now hopefully one day I can travel to all these places I read about. Lately I have been reading lots of books, and stopped writing, then a few months back as I started writing a poem for Hvnly about the rain, I had writers block and never continued it. I finished the poem this week and I'm listing it below. This past week I visited deep inside of me, a place I thought I had closed the door to. I thought of years past, when all wasn't well inside, when there was a lot of shit going through my head and I was going through it alone, a very personal struggle that to this day I have no idea how I got into it. I've written something about those dark times, about The Rain and my love for Hvnly, about the new bright light that is inside of me.
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The Rain
by OMD

It came over me
Unannounced dark cloud
I ran, but it didn’t help
I’m drenched

Soothing sounds fill the air
Of thunder and lightning
As if it were your touch and lips
You calm my fear

Silent, cold, desolate
I’m calm
The rain is gone
You are here

Clouds brake up
Your face I see
Sun rays shine through
The beauty is you

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Dark & Ravaged Inside
by OMD

I called HELLO! There is no echo and no answer, the air felt cold and the mood was somber. Dark, desolate, with deep caves of fear and places where the sun has not shone. Moments of happiness and laughter were in a necropolis, a pantheon of lost memories, to think of them was forbidden. Striking a match to find my place, a roaring angry draft blows it out. Creeping in the air is depression, anger, hate; this was the habitat for evil. Staying here is certain death; nothing here to nourish the soul to keep the spirit alive. Run, death is behind you! My sixth sense wakes me but I’m not lucid, I wonder if the evil in this place is real or if I’m dreaming? I have an out of body experience, macabre, I see myself laughing at myself, schizophrenia? Days have gone by and my body is decaying, putrefying, I’m slowly decomposing. Screams of horror echo in my head; I wonder if I’m hallucinating, its murder. Wrath of evil striking me down with fear, I’m no longer whole, I’ve become one with darkness, not sure if I’m comfortable with the idea, perturbed. Have I become benumbed to my surroundings? Mad from the fear, a miserable death, a slow decomposing process, decaying to a foul smell of rotten flesh. Feeling horrid the final days until the last breath, suffocation, heartbeat pounding like a loud drum, gasping convulsively. Unconscious I die with a blank stare.

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Vivid
by OMD

Warmth throughout my face, I feel like a sunflower, every direction, everywhere I go it doesn’t go away, like a shadow you can’t rid, the sun, and feeling of love. Rays of happiness and joy fill every inch of my body, gleaming through my pores, noticeable, a twinkle in my eye, can’t hide the feeling. Words can’t express it, puzzling, to feel it the only way to grasp it. Effervescence of love, heart shape bubbles rise from thee, contagious with no cure, once intoxicated you don’t need an antidote. I’ve contracted it, blinded, no longer prejudice, nor discriminatory. What is it? Can’t tell you, enter the door and don’t be afraid to let go, relaxation, bliss. Like a shroud of positive energy, I live my day feeling like I can combust any moment from the sheer joy that fills my heart. We are two, yet feel like one, symbiont, holding hands and walking the earth. I’ve been struck, I’ve lost the battle and I won’t win, I’ve let go, let nature take its course, love, it’s great, it’s inexplicable, festive with bright colors, earth, one.

I’m alive, simply alive.